|President of the United States|
January 20, 2041
|Preceeded by||Eventually Kemi Talbot|
|United States Secretary of Agriculture|
January 2021 – January 20, 2025
|Governor of Iowa|
April 2020 – January 2021
|Preceded by||George Ballentine|
|Lieutenant Governor of Iowa|
March 2020 – April 2020
|Preceded by||Douglas Fox|
|Mayor of Lurlene, Iowa|
May 2019 – March 2020
|Preceded by||Mayor Biscuit|
|Born||Richard John Splett|
|Alma mater||Yale University|
Illinois Institute of Technology
|Awards||Nobel Peace Prize|
|This article is part of a series about |
|President of the United States|
|Secretary of Agriculture
Richard John Splett (born 1984) is the current president of the United States. Prior to this, he served as the United States Secretary of Agriculture from 2021 to 2025, the Governor of Iowa from 2020 to 2021, the mayor of Lurlene, Iowa, and the Chief of Staff to former President Selina Meyer.
Splett was born in Lurlene, Iowa, and started his political career by working as a campaign aide to President Selina Meyer, and was placed in charge of heading the Nevada recount in the contested 2016 presidential election. Afterwards, he briefly served as the director of communications for congressman Jonah Ryan, and worked as the Chief of Staff to Meyer once she left office.
Splett was asked to serve as Mayor of Lurlene, Iowa, after the death of Mayor Biscuit. During his tenure as Mayor, Splett gained national attention for saving lives after a plane crashed into a local 7/11. In March 2020, Splett was asked to serve as lieutenant governor of Iowa after exposing a chain of connections between corrupt politicians and lobbyists. Splett would ascend to the governorship a month later and deliver the keynote address at the 2020 National Convention that summer. Splett was later asked to serve as Secretary of Agriculture during Meyer's second term in office from 2021 to 2025.
Splett was elected as president of the United States in the 2040 presidential election. During his first term, Splett introduced a "three-state solution" to the Israeli/Palestinian crisis, for which he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, and culminated in his landslide re-election in the 2044 presidential election. Assuming none of his predecessors served less than one term, he would be either be the 50th or 51st president. Splett's presidency will end on January 20, 2049.
- 1 Background
- 2 Career in politics
- 3 Presidency (2041–present)
- 4 Offices and distinctions
Background[edit | edit source]
Personal[edit | edit source]
Splett was born in Lurlene, Iowa. He was raised Roman Catholic, with his grandmother being unpleasantly evangelical and conservative. His family also follows basketball "like a religion". It is hinted that his Aunt was actually his mother, with his grandmother pretending to be his mother for his entire life.
Due to his religious upbringing, he does not know how to masturbate, referring to it as "self-husbandry", doing so the first time when Catherine Meyer and Marjorie Palmiotti ask him to be their donor in April 2018. He is a fan of Robert DeNiro movies and reading, in addition to performing amateur operetta in his spare time with The Cherry Blossom Players (a group who also appears to contain governor Danny Chung).
His favorite drinks include White Russians and Eggnog Lattes. He is a self confessed anxious man, listening to self motivation books on his iPod.
Professional[edit | edit source]
Splett attended Yale University, where he was a member of Skull and Bones secret society, (mentioned in Library) and the Illinois Institute of Technology. In Morning After, it is revealed that he holds two Doctorates, the first in Constitutional Law and the second, his back-up, in Veterinary Medicine. He wrote his doctoral thesis on election recount procedures in the west.
Career in politics[edit | edit source]
In June 2015, Splett accompanied Selina Meyer during her book tour through Iowa. Her personal aide Gary Walsh was unable to be by her side because of a wedding. Splett's incompetence angered Meyer. Splett returned with Meyer to Washington, D.C., because Meyer told Amy Brookheimer that he was good in Iowa, thought Meyer only told Brookheimer that to quell any worries. Splett was then fired.
Splett reappeared at Meyer's Maryland campaign HQ in January 2016, assisting Brookheimer manage the campaign. Splett's jovial personality annoyed Brookheimer.
Assistant to Jonah Ryan (2016–2017)[edit | edit source]
In February 2016, Dan Egan pawned Splett off on White House liaison Jonah Ryan, who gladly accepted an assistant. Splett's first impressions of Ryan were that he was the "coolest guy ever". Splett would accompany Ryan around the West Wing, usually assisting Ryan in performing tasks for Vice President Andrew Doyle and his Chief of Staff Teddy Sykes.
In October 2016, White House Chief of Staff Ben Cafferty sent Ryan and Splett to lobby votes in favor of the Families First Bill, knowing their incompetence would only convince congresspeople to vote against the bill. Unbeknownst to Cafferty, Gary Walsh had sent Egan and Brookheimer to lobby congresspeople against the bill, using the same set of data as Splett and Ryan. After a congressman caught wind of what was going on, a congressional investigation was launched. Splett and Ryan testified before congress in October 2016. Splett inadvertently revealed more information about the data leaks.
On the night of the 2016 presidential election, Splett and Ryan managed Meyer's election night rally in Baltimore. After the tied election, Splett was promoted to handle the recount in Nevada after explaining that he had a doctorate in electoral procedures in the mid-west. After the recount failed, he returned briefly to the White House, only to be sent to New Hampshire to act as Ryan's communications director during Ryan's impromptu congressional campaign. While there, he brands Jonah as Jon★h Ryan (with a star as the 'a' in Jonah) causing voters to mistakenly believe his name is Jon H. Ryan.
With added assistance from the NRA, Ryan defeated opponent Judy Sherman and was sworn in on January 2, 2017. Despite forming a friendship with Ryan, Splett quit as Ryan's Chief of Staff sometime in 2017 and joined former President Selina Meyer's entourage.
Chief of Staff to Selina Meyer (2017–2019)[edit | edit source]
Selina Meyer left office in 2017. Splett joined her entourage as her Chief of Staff, with Meyer appearing to have a fondness for Splett and his upbeat personality.
Splett accompanied Meyer during her overseas trip to Georgia in February 2018 to supervise the inaugural presidential election in the country. During this trip, Splett and Ryan bonded over the fun times they used to have, and inadvertently attended an anti-semitic concert. Splett also accompanied Meyer to Qatar in June 2018.
In April 2018, Splett was approached by Meyer's daughter Catherine and her partner Marjorie Palmiotti to be the sperm donor for their child. The child was born in January 2019, and Selina named the baby Little Richard without Catherine or Marjorie's permission.
Meyer's memoir, A Woman First: First Woman, was published in October 2018. Meyer dedicated the book to Splett.
During the 2020 presidential primaries, Meyer and Ryan both launched their own presidential campaigns. Splett was unable to decide which campaign he would work on, and unbeknownst to both Meyer and Ryan, Splett worked for both of them for months.
In March 2019, while on a campaign stop in Iowa, Meyer accidentally fed chocolate to Mayor Biscuit, the dog mayor of Lurlene. Biscuit fell into a coma and died in May 2019. Splett was selected to replace the dog, given that Lurlene is his hometown and he occupied close connections to those in political circles within the city.
Mayor of Lurlene (2019–2020)[edit | edit source]
Splett became mayor of Lurlene, Iowa, in May 2019.
In February 2020, Splett was hailed as a hero after saving several lives when a crop duster crashed into a local 7/11. Former Meyer aide Dan Egan joined Splett's inner circle as his new Chief of Staff.
During his tenure as mayor, lobbyist Sidney Purcell met with Splett to try to get him to support deregulation of the pesticide industry, an offer which Splett declined despite pressure from Egan. During a press conference, Splett inadvertantly exposed both Purcell and several high-ranking Iowa politicians who accepted money from a big pesticide corporation, including Lieutenant Governor Douglas Fox, both of whom were subsequently arrested. Iowa Governor George Ballentine appointed Splett to be the new Lieutenant Governor of Iowa.
Lieutenant governor of Iowa (2020)[edit | edit source]
Immediately after being sworn into office, Splett unknowingly found himself at odds with Governor Ballantine, who believed that Splett was coming for his job. Splett was placed in a small backroom office and is informed he would be given pointless busywork in order to keep him out of the public eye.
Splett and Egan later accompanied Ballentine to visit the house of presidential candidate Jonah Ryan in New Hampshire, with Ballentine wanting to suggest himself as a choice for Secretary of Agriculture should Ryan win the 2020 presidential election. During his short time at the Ryan residence, Ballentine became incensed at Ryan's immature attitude and leaves. However, it was later revealed that Ballentine had contracted shingles and gone blind after the visit, due to both Ryan and his biological father Lloyd Hennick having chicken pox at the time of the meeting. Hospitalized and unable to carry out the duties of his office, he was forced to step down, allowing Splett to ascend to the governorship.
Governor of Iowa (2020–2021)[edit | edit source]
Splett became Governor of Iowa in April 2020, being sworn in during a plane journey. It was revealed during a press conference immediately after his ascension that as governor he would act as a superdelegate at the upcoming 2020 National Convention. When asked who he planned on voting for, he responded that he is unsure, and would ideally like to be able to vote for all of them.
At the National Convention in July, Splett delivered the keynote address at the convention. His appearance at the convention was wildly popular, with Egan stating that the press was deeming him the new face of the party.
After Ryan was offered the position of Vice President on Selina Meyer's ticket, Ryan's only contingency was that Splett be named Secretary of Agriculture. Meyer agreed only if Egan was fired, due to a one-night stand between Meyer and Egan months prior.
United States Secretary of Agriculture (2021–2025)[edit | edit source]
Splett began serving as Secretary of Agriculture in Selina Meyer's cabinet in 2021. His tenure in her cabinet ended in January 2025.
During or after his time as Secretary of Agriculture, Splett married Annette Splett.
Presidency (2041–present)[edit | edit source]
See also: Presidency of Richard Splett
Richard Splett's presidency began on January 20, 2041, after being elected during the 2040 presidential election. During first term as president, he brokered a genius "Three State Solution" to resolve the conflict in the Middle East. Splett received the Nobel Peace Prize for his plan.
Splett ran for re-election in the 2044 presidential election and won in a landslide victory. Shortly after his re-election, Splett attended the funeral of former President Selina Meyer in 2045. Upon paying his respects to the deceased, Splett seemed wistful of his memories of Meyer.
Splett's presidency will end on January 20, 2049.
Offices and distinctions[edit | edit source]
|Mayor of Lurlene, Iowa
|Lieutenant Governor of Iowa
|Governor of Iowa
|United States Secretary of Agriculture
Eventually Kemi Talbot
|President of the United States
|Party political offices|
|Keynote Speaker of the National Convention
Eventually Kemi Talbot
|Party Nominee for President of the United States
|Awards and achievements|
|Laureate of the Nobel Peace Prize
2043 or 2044